Late Night Thinking
by OTH-FOQ
Summary: End of 4x19. Stefan thinks about Elena and what's going to happen next.


_**Long time no see, guys. Here's a new one-shot for The Vampire Diaries. Takes place after the end of episode 19 season 4, "Pictures of You".**_

_**It is Stefan's POV.**_

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I failed. It was a real blow to the heart to hear these words.

_"What heart?"_

I close my eyes as I remember her body pressed against mine, a memory that had been engraved in my memory for such a long time that it had felt perfectly natural to hold her as we danced.

I hate how difficult it is to admit that she is not mine anymore. I hate how easy it is for me to forget it when I look into her deep brown eyes. I hate that I hate this version of her.

She could accept me when I was the Ripper and I cannot do the same for her. Maybe it is because I know that this vampire switch does not really exist and that it only works for so long before your emotions come back full force. It will happen to her one day, I know it, Damon knows it, and she knows it as well. She's seen it happen to me.

_"What heart?"_

What was I supposed to answer to that? Of course she would refuse to acknowledge it. The old Elena was gone.

But then, this flicker of fear in her eyes and in her voice when Bonnie had attempted to kill her… She was there. The true Elena. The human girl I fell in love with.

And I'm lost, I can't think of anything else as I lay in my bed. Elena is still unconscious in the basement. It's been three hours since Damon and I brought her here and locked her up.

We're both determined to bring her back, but I have to wonder… Is this really the right decision? Can we force her to feel if she doesn't want to? And why are we both obsessed over whom she'll choose between us, once her emotions come back and the sire bond broken?

I have so many questions and no answers.

Quietly, I sit up and push the sheet off of me. I speed out of my room. I don't know if Damon's home but I don't want him to catch me looking at her, checking up on her.

There's no light in the basement, but I need none. I can see her as if it was broad daylight. Her respiration has changed. I know that she's awake. But she doesn't say a word; probably trying to figure out what happened to her and where she is.

Silently I wait. I don't know why, but I feel like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. By her side.

"Stefan," she whispers.

It makes me shiver. I don't answer.

"Stefan," she calls again.

"What is it?" I ask, as softly as possible.

"Why am I here?"

"You know why."

I can see her smile but it's a bitter smile.

"How come I kill one person and I'm in a cell when you and Damon have killed a thousand and you're free to go wherever you please?"

"Damon and I have done terrible things in the past. But we know that we were wrong. You don't realize that what you're doing is wrong, Elena. You'd need to flip the switch for that."

"Then I guess I'll rot in here because I'm never letting my emotions get the better of me."

"We'll discuss this in a few years. Good night Elena."

She doesn't answer right away, so I start to walk away. It's still as hard as the first time when I tried to leave her. Only now she does not try to make me stay.

"Are you really giving up, then?"

I turn back.

"I don't know. Is it a battle I can win? It is worth the fight?"

"Probably not," she replies.

"Then maybe I am giving up after all."

She's silent after that. I go back to my room and sit on the bed.

Despite what I said, it's obvious that I will not stop trying to rescue her. But she doesn't have to know that. She needs to believe that I don't give a shit anymore.

_"What heart?"_

I shake my head. This perverted version of Elena has to go. And I'll do whatever I can to make sure it disappears forever. For I don't think I'll ever be able to move on if I never really know what could have happened between us had the sire bond not existed, had Jeremy not died. I'll never be able to get past that and write a whole new chapter of my life if I don't get closure.

That's what I need to do: bring the real Elena back from the darkness and move on. With or without her.

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**_I hope that you liked it!_**

**_As usual, any review is welcomed._**

**_OTH-FOQ_**


End file.
